Goldie.
Sometimes the best solution doesn't say a word.
A monthly retainer of certified golden retrievers, deployed on-site to your office with their handler. Employees cuddle, walk, and decompress between meetings. Procurement approves eventually.
A monthly block of hours. A handler. A dog. That's actually it.
No app install. No sign-up flow that expires. A recurring invoice. The dog is the product.
Pick a tier.
Cuddle Pack for the cautious. Hyperactive Pack for the Q3 survivors. We scope hours per week with finance already in the loop.
A real call, 45 min.
We meet HR and the office manager. We walk allergens, neutering status, lease rules, and the breakroom vending-machine politics.
The dog shows up.
Handler on-site for the full block. Headless retriever in the breakroom. Slack channel for cute pictures, opt-in only.
Anonymized cortisol anecdotes.
Weekly opt-in survey. Manager gets a strip chart. Engineer who hated it now schedules dog hours on sprint day.
Every retainer ships with a pre-approved invoice template, COI on file, and a one-page memo for your CFO. Your manager wants a dog. Make it easy for them to say yes.
Start a paw-titionThe bottom-up dog. Procurement learns eventually.
We never cold-call Fortune 500s. We let the team vote with their keyboards. If your company owes you a dog, we ship the tool to force procurement's hand.
- A
Paw-tition
Avg 38 signersEmployees sign with a work email. No NDA, no login.
- B
Hype
Avg 1.2k impressionsShareable poster, Slack-friendly link, printable PDF for the parking lot.
- C
Escalate
Avg 9 daysPaw-tition auto-escalates to HR and procurement once you hit quorum.
- D
Dog
First on-site avg 14 daysFirst deployment scheduled. Handler arrives. Procurement approves on day three.
- No login wall.Just a work email. We hate enterprise SSO too.
- Procurement-ready.Paw-titions include a signed COI and three-tier price sheet.
- Quiet by default.We do not run a brand campaign at your CEO's desk.
Calculate your team's burnout index.
Three sliders. The dog knows the rest. We'll recommend a Golden Retainer that fits how loud your standups are.
- Burnout index14.9
- Coffee / head / day5.0 cups
- Coverage target4 hrs / wk
- Sprint riskmedium
The Full Breakdown Pack
For when 'send help' is your team channel's last 200 messages.
- 5+ dogs, full-time handler team
- Every weekday
- Operational rest